IMG_4008 So most of our prep has been done now for the project. All the interviews have been collected and edited, mainly from Voice people. Jo went to visit Mr John Rubin, the Consultant ear nose and throat surgeon who  operated on me at the  hospital and he gave some amazing insights and information that we can use. It felt strange not to be there myself and I wondered how I would have felt seeing him again. In one of my diary entries I describe him as my hero as I felt my career and voice were literally in his hands and reflecting back I hadn’t realised how vulnerable that made me feel. They were truly amazing there and recognised all that the voice means to people, especially performers.

We’d still like to ask more people about running and what it means to them but there’s time. We have a projector to play with and are looking at ways that we can visually tell the story. I carried the most enormous roll of paper from town the other day which will hopefully we able to help some of the projection or it could just be that we us the paper for other parts of the story. It is after all about how I had to write everything down when my voice failed me, so paper plays a huge part in the telling of this tale.

I also realised that I haven’t actually been running as much as I’d like. My distances have got shorter, always the way when I’m not training for something, but then I thought, well, gearing up to do a one woman show should be motivation enough, that, and too much sangria and paella, so I’ve given myself a little nudge this week to get out more. It’s been a while since I’ve rehearsed a Theatre piece and I’m excited and a little nervous in equal measure so the running is still playing a huge part in keeping my equilibrium and sanity.

I did have a moment the other day when I thought ‘Why am I doing this to myself?’ regurgitating old wounds, old stories, putting myself in the spotlight in such an exposing way. Why do we need to sometimes need to churn up old ground?  Shouldn’t I have just accepted that something happened, then I healed myself through it and then moved on?, blah blah blah.  And then I realised exactly why I was questioning it.  It was that old chestnut. Fear. Creeping over your shoulder.  I was trying to convince myself that what I have to offer is not worthwhile. When in reality it has been one of the most creative collaborations and experiences to date, all born out of an adverse event. And that’s to be celebrated, not hidden. And I’m not on my own this time. We get to play as a team.

So, Tuesday here we come. Actor head needs to go on soon and most importantly….I need to do a voice warm up!